The Lush Life: 3/9/08

The Musings of a Woman Behind Bars.....

I have no idea what I'm doing half the time. Just want to be clear on that. But there are a few indisputable things I've learned that I'd like to share.

The power of toast is greatly underrated.
Your bed is the most accurate psychologist you'll ever have.
And finally... well let's leave that for another time.

I've actually spent way too much time developing an entire "theory of life" around those, one that explains everything except how one fabric softener sheet can sashay around inside the dryer and get every little inch of laundry soft. Just one. WTF? But those deep thoughts are explained elsewhere on the web in random musings I scatter about on other blogs like a cheap, shameless cyber-lawn sprinkler.

"Impossible," you say. "Those indisputable things explain nothing."

Whatever. I bet you're the person who likes to party with the fifth dentist who was overthinking the whole Trident recommendation. So let me assure you, the mysterious third Great Thought explains a lot. Really pulls the whole thing together.

For now, here are some links and 'net finds that I hope will entertain you as they have me. The purpose of this particular blog of mine is simply to serve as an online trough for links people are always asking me to give them. Again. And "once more, please. "

So here you go people. I hope you are able to waste as much time with these as I have.

Text Messaging Do's and Don'ts

"In a world where Britney Spears is crazy, Lindsay Lohan is easy and Rihanna is just asking to get beat by Beyonce, it’s a surprise we could possibly care about insignificant things like text messaging. It really makes you wonder what this world is coming to. However, despite the utter silliness of it all, it’s still important to follow the rules. What rules, you ask? The text messaging rules. Because as we know, with any game there are rules and with every broken rule, you take one step closer to becoming a hermit with no dignity. Harsh, I know. No one said it would be easy."

Link

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Not all who wander are lost.
Save The Whales. Collect The Whole Set!
Talk only if you can improve on the silence.
Women fly when men aren’t watching.
Little piece of advice. Your honker's cute in person. Peephole? Not your friend.
I'm sorry, did I interupt you eating your baby?
I'm allergic to felt.
While you're at it, why don't you become a superhero? Captain Neck Fat.
Take a SWAG at it- Scientific Wild-Ass Guess.....
I didn't see anything but the Tweetie Bird on his ass.....
Oh my God. It's finally happened. The Botox has seeped into your brain.
Follow the bread crumbs, Gretel.
First I was victimized by a grizzly. And now you.
This is even more disturbing than your bag full of Mommy.
Always be sure they have their meds before you do anything else.
It takes a dark night to bring out the stars.
"If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than it was because he was he and I was I." Michel Montaigne
I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn't say any other way-- things I had no words for". -Georgia O'Keeffe
The mind is like a parachute -it works best when it is open.
"None. None more black...."
If we only used things for their intended purpose, we would not be where we are today.
I knew it was too bad to be true....
"--Love doesn't end because we no longer see each other. People go on all their lives loving God, don't they, without ever seeing Him.
--That's not my kind of love.
--Maybe there's no other kind."
--I'm jealous of everything that moves. I'm jealous of the rain. "The End of the Affair"
A hero ain't nothing but a sandwich.

Where are they from? God only knows. Randomly overheard, uttered by clever (and often inebriated) friends, my own lacking-7 second-delay mouth, Scrubs, Ugly Betty, Grey's Anatomy, Monty Python.... pretty much a hodgepodge.